The Highly Clichéd Adventures of the Cooper Twins
by A.T. Seawright
Summary: The astonishingly perfect Cooper twins, Mystery and Krystylle, are swept into Tortuga in a mysterious incident that leaves them in a time and place not their own. Romance, adventure, and much Mary Sue bashing ensue!
1. In Which We Meet the Cast

The weather was warm. Characteristically warm, of course. Naturally. It is always warm in the Caribbean, aside from those times when plot requires a storm of cataclysmic proportions, or some other natural phenomenon which changes the beautiful climate of the region entirely. At this current time in our tale, however, there was no such need, so the weather was as perfect as could possibly be desired.

It was also sunset, which has been statistically proven to the the appropriate time for any story to begin. The golden Caribbean sun was sinking into the western sea, and Captain Jack Sparrow was gazing intently into the pulsating molten orb, paying little heed to the danger of irreparably damaging his eyesight. His famous compass (which worked just fine) was held in his outstretched right hand. His left hand rested on the wheel, adjusting course now and again in accordance with the heading acquired from the compass.

Sparrow hummed quietly to himself, inaudibly mouthing the lyrics to a song which the author had no idea even existed before she saw the first PotC movie. "Yo ho, yo ho..." he hummed, but proceeded no further because said author couldn't remember any more words to the song.

"What's our heading, captain?" Gibbs called up from below.

"We shall make for Tortuga." Sparrow declared. Tortuga, was, of course, the perfect destination for our pirate crew, as any manner of person could pop up there without explanation asked or offered. Gibbs nodded approvingly, and went back below deck with the rest of the crew, who shall remain unnamed because they are not important to the plot at the time being.

It was a matter of a few days before they reached the pirate port, however, and by the time they got there, Sparrow was, of course, seeking female companionship. There is a perfectly logical explanation for this, in spite of the fact that Sparrow had captained the Black Pearl for a number of years without ever having this particular problem. That explanation, however, is not relevant to the plot and shall remain unspoken.

The crew of the Black Pearl wandered off to their own activities and pastimes, and Sparrow meandered disconsolately into the pub. He was predictably accosted by a duo of prostitutes, and predictably disputed their accusations, then proceeded to buy himself a very large amount of rum, because it had been established in the past that Jack Sparrow loved rum, and with this seemingly innocent plot device, the author hoped to gain some credibility in the way of interpreting the mind and insight of the character.

Sparrow was seated on (yes on, not at) a table in the corner of the room when he was approached by a young man in a hat. The hat was worn merely for the purpose of concealing the flowing locks of the young man, whose delicate features and complete lack of facial hair did nothing to alert the already-inebriated pirate to the fact that this was, of course, not a young man at all, but a rather attractive young woman.

"Captain Jack Sparrow." came the greeting. "I must say I'm not at all surprised to find you here."

"Mm. I must say the same about you." Sparrow said, good-naturedly, whilst trying to determine in his drunken state who the devil this was.

Elizabeth Swann rolled her eyes.

"This is hardly my idea of a holiday location, Captain Sparrow." she retorted. "In fact, the only reason I'm speaking to you at all, aside from the author's desire to illustrate clearly and promptly the repressed lust I hold for you in spite of the fact that I spent the entire length of the first film trying to convince my father and the Royal Navy that I am hopelessly in love with Will Turner, is...oh, wait, there is no other reason."

"Oh." Jack said, nodding in comprehension.

"_Any_how." Elizabeth went on. "If you see him, tell him I died. Or tell him we got married and made beautiful babies."

"All right." Jack agreed, not really listening. He was suddenly taken by a swarm of brightly glowing particles which seemed to be accumulating in the far corner of the room...

Meanwhile...

Krystylle Cooper threw herself onto her bed in an fit of adolescent rage. This was so unfair!

"I hate this!" she said, tears welling up in her deep blue eyes. She buried her head in her pillow and sobbed, her waist-length golden blond hair pooling around her head. Her twin sister Mystery, who was without doubt the intuitive half of the Cooper duo, sat down on the bed beside her.

"Oh, Krysty." she said, sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to be in the musical. And you were so perfect for the part, too. I remember when you auditioned, all the teachers looked at each other and said you should be on Broadway, you with your angelic singing voice and incredible acting ability. Why, I'm sure you were just meant to play the part, and then mom and dad had to go and plan the vacation on the same week as performances."

"Mysti." said Krysty tolerantly because it was in her nature to be kind and loving, and not only because this was her twin, the one person she trusted most in the world and shared all her deepest darkest secrets with, like the fact that even though she was sixteen years old she had never kissed a boy, even though many had, of course, been starstruck by her model's figure and amazing eyes. "I had actually noticed all that."

Mysti laughed, a girlish giggle that sounded something like silver bells.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Besides," Krysty went on, sitting up. "You have a right to be sad too. Isn't the vacation that same week you have that Science Center trip?"

Mysti's beautiful blue eyes, identical to her sister's, now also filled with tears.

"I forgot that." she managed, swallowing the lump in her throat. "You're right, this is so unfair! Who cares about the Caribbean anyhow?"

"Yeah." Krysty agreed, picking up a pillow and throwing it across the room for emphasis, not really caring that she shattered a twelve thousand dollar Tiffany lamp which was, of course, appropriate decor for an affluent teenager's bedroom. "The Caribbean needs to get blown up. We go there every year. Except for that year we went to Paris."

"And that other time we did the tour of Australia. And the California trip."

"Yeah, I guess." Krysty shrugged. "Stupid Caribbean."

"Hey, is that new body glitter?" Mysti asked, not really caring that they had been in the middle of a conversation.

"What body glitter?" Krysty asked.

"On your chest." Mysti pointed to her sister's collarbone. Krysty looked down.

"I don't know what that is." she said.

"It's spreading!" Mysti squealed.

"It's on you too!" Krysty told her.

"What is it?"

"I don't know!"

"What if..." Mysti began, then let the sentence go unfinished as everything went black.

"Ew. What's that smell?" said Krysty, obviously not caring that she couldn't see anything.

"Light!" Mysti said, feeling around. "I see light!"

From across the room, Jack Sparrow watched as the two amazingly gorgeous women floundered about the room before seemingly regaining sight in their stunning blue eyes. His notice was drawn particularly to Mysti, who he could tell apart from her sister both through his amazingly acute sense of the personal aura, and through the fact that she had her nose pierced. Not a large, unseemly piercing, just a cute little piercing that actually looked very nice on her, in a pirate-like sort of way that, of course, immediately won the heart of Captain Sparrow. He stood up, placed his hat on his head, and crossed the room.

"Good evening fair lady." he said, in spite of the fact that such manners were completely uncharacteristic, and were merely brought on by the presence of such astounding beauty that even Jack Sparrow had to immediately be on his best behaviour, lest he bring upon himself that weapon of male destruction, an attractive pout-like frown from Mystery Cooper. He went on. "May I buy you a drink?"

Krysty did not really pay any heed to the fact that she was being ignored. She was, instead, approached by a young man who obviously had no one else to talk to besides the strangely dressed girl who just appeared out of nowhere.

"Excuse me." said the young man, whose name was Will Turner, of course. "Have you seen my fiance?"

"Um, no?" Krysty replied, charmingly. "But I'll help you find her." She had every intention of doing so, too, because it would have been dishonorable to make such a pretense with anything else in mind. "What does she look like?"

Will's eyes got a bit glassy.

"She is the fairest woman on the face of the earth." he said.

"Uh, yeah, see, that's not really working for me." Krysty told him. "That's the part me and my sister play. Since we're identical, you know."

"Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I didn't know." Will apologized. "In that case, she is the...third fairest woman on the face of the earth."

"Better." said Krysty. "What color eyes, hair, clothing?"

"I don't know what she's wearing." Will admitted. "But I'm certain she's here."

Elizabeth was, as a matter of fact, standing directly behind Jack Sparrow and Mysti, watching disapprovingly as Jack attempted unsuccessfully to woo the newcomer with his normally irresistable pirate charm.

"Jack." Elizabeth said. "There's Will. Can we leave?"

"Certainly." Jack agreed amiably, because being in physical contact with Mysti was enough to put anyone of the male gender or appropriate sexual orientation in a mood somewhat similar to that of drug-induced euphoria. "Let us depart. Will you join us, Lady..."

"Mystery." Mysti said sweetly. "Mystery Cooper."

"Lady Cooper." Jack finished.

"No, just Mysti is fine." she assured him.

"Mysti..." Jack repeated, sighing. "Will you come with us?"

"Yeah, but I have to find my sister."

"No time!" Elizabeth said. "Will's got her!"

"I have to save her!" Mysti insisted.

"No! I have to get you to safety." Jack insisted, and, paying no heed to her protestations, hoisted her over one shoulder and exited the building.


	2. In Which We Make an Amazing Discovery

**Nerd's United: **I'm glad you like it! Thanks so much! gives cookies to first reviewer 

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Mysti did not sleep at all that night, on board the Black Pearl. She was capable, naturally, of going without sleep for a number of days without appearing wearied or uncomely in any way. She spent this particular sleepless night staring over the edge of the boat…ship…into the waters below, lamenting her fate and wondering what could be happening to her poor twin. How horrible this was, to end up in this wretched place, kidnapped by this horrible pirate, whom she felt absolutely no attraction at all towards. It was all very unsatisfying, she thought, pouting slightly. A single tear trailed down her beautiful pink-tinged cheek, and fell into the ocean below. Several fish spontaneously died of grief, their tiny fish hearts unable to bear the heavy burden of knowing that Mystery Cooper was crying.

Jack Sparrow watched her from the window of his cabin. It was heartbreaking, really, watching her this sad. But if there was one thing more heartbreaking than seeing Mysti cry, it was the notion of living the rest of his life, even a little tiny moment of it, without her. That wouldn't do at all. Since the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew he loved her. There was nothing for it. He left his cabin, and went to stand by her side.

"Mysti." he said, softly. "I know this is hard for you, love. But cheer up. You're in the Caribbean, you're aboard the most feared pirate vessel in the entire world! And I love you!"

"If you loved me, you would not force me to remain your prisoner, captive to your barbaric whims!" said Mysti heatedly, naturally posessing the ability to speak in the terms of the times without previously having had any exposure to such linguistic tendencies.

"Aye, but you're something of a pirate yourself already, love." Sparrow said, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile. "After all, you've stolen something of mine, and have yet to give it back."

"Indeed!" Mysti huffed. "And pray, what might that be?"

"My heart." Sparrow told her, dramatically sweeping his hat from his head and placing it over his chest.

Mysti rolled her eyes, and several clouds which had been hovering overhead immediately fled the scene, not wishing to further darken her day.

Meanwhile...

"I'm afraid she's not here." Krysty said wearily. She and Will had been searching for Elizabeth all night amidst the senseless forms of pirates and sailors in the pub.

"I'm afraid we had a bit of an argument." Will said, sighing. "She left me in Port Royal, told me she had unfinished business to attend to."

"I can't think what that would mean." Krysty told him innocently. "But it's obvious she's gone now."

"Well, thank you for your help." Will said, making for the door. "I suppose I'll have to find a ship, and track down Jack Sparrow. He might have seen her."

"Wait!" Krysty cried, alarmed at the thought that their newly-forged purely platonic relationship should be coming to an end so soon. "You can't leave me here alone!"

"I can't?" Will asked, confused.

"No!" Krysty asserted. "You must remember that my sister and I share the title of Most Beautiful Woman in the Entire Earth and Probably Universe! It would be terrible for me to be left alone in this pit of despair! Besides, doesn't go against your honor to leave a helpless woman lost, unfriended, alone, and completely without protection in a pirate port?" With this last plea, she drew near to him, clutching at his sleeve and widening her beautiful azure optical orbs at him in an expression that was capable of making lesser men fall to their knees begging through sobs that she never leave them and certainly never be unhappy.

Will shrugged.

"All right." he conceded. "I suppose you can come along."

Krysty was somewhat confused at his reaction. He didn't seem to be upset at all by her...upsetedness. Not that she wanted him to be, mind you, she still viewed this as a completely just-friends arrangement, but it was somewhat odd. All the other boys she'd ever met had done various extreme things in order to gain her favor, including murder their grandmothers, shave their heads, overthrow dictatorships of small countries, and throw themselves in front of moving vehicles to save puppies and kittens.

Of course, what she did not know was that Will was already blinded by his own version of that true love, given to his own Elizabeth, who was, after all, the third most beautiful woman on the earth. (Only the third, though, which was why he let Krysty come along.) The fact that Krysty did not realize that, however, was just because she was not as intellectual as her twin sister. Between the two of them, the sisters shared every valuable skill necessary to be the best at Absolutely Everything.

"But if we're going." Will told her. "We have to leave now. The Black Pearl probably left while we were searching."

"Right. Besides, we have to find my sister." Krysty agreed. She followed Will out of the pub, and without much trouble, they managed to find a ship. This was quite easy because the author needed it to be, so a captain with nothing else more important to do agreed to take them on an almost-aimless voyage to hunt down Jack Sparrow.

Meanwhile...

Mysti was in the Crow's Nest because that was the most heroically dramatic place for her to be at the moment, even though no real sailor, pirate or otherwise, would have let an inexperienced sixteen year old girl keep watch. She tilted her head back, relaxing in the now afternoon sun. Her tan was already perfect, but it was always nice to feel the warmth of the sun on her face. She opened her eyes for a moment, and that was when she spotted the sail on the horizon.

"Ship!" she shouted, standing up, waving her arms energetically. "Ship!"

Jack, who stood below, looked up at her.

"What's that? What're we swearing for?"

"No, you stupid pirate!" Mysti yelled, and of course, she had every right to be upset. She had been kidnapped and dragged onto this boat against her will by said pirate. "Ship! s-h-i-_P_! Like, a boat!"

Jack understood that time.

"I see her, love!" he called back. "Men, run out the cannons! Raise the colors!"

The cannons were readied, and the Jolly Roger was hoisted. Mysti, of course, was appropriately repulsed by this behaviour, in a ladylike sort of way, and climbed down from the Crow's Nest to voice her opinion without any further misunderstandings. Jack was observing the approaching ship through his spyglass, and made a thoughtful humming sound deep in his throat.

"What is it?" Mysti asked, her curiousity getting the best of her because in this situation it was perfectly safe and wouldn't make her do anything stupid.

"Royal Navy." Sparrow replied. "We've got the wind with us, men...steady as she goes, bring us up alongside when we get in range."

It was only a short time before the ship was in range, and the Black Pearl slipped alongside her, canons primed and ready.

"Ahoy there!" Jack called, waving. "Commodore Norrington, I presume?"

"Indeed." came the dry reply. "I can't say it's a pleasure to be seeing you again, Jack Sparrow."

"Captain! Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack retorted, in a clichéd frenzy which could not possibly have escaped mention in any self-respecting PotC story.

"My mistake." This remark was made through the gritted teeth of James Norrington, the male character who held the esteemed title of Third Most Abused by Mary Sues.

Mysti wanted to call out, to say something about Sparrow having kidnapped her and her being dragged across the ocean against her will, but she felt the cold tip of a knife against her back, and remained silent. She didn't dare turn around, either, but kept looking straight ahead, managing a false smile which kept the Navy on board the other ship convinced that she was merely vacationing with these pirates. Norrington waved politely...after all, it isn't every day that you see one of the Most Beautiful Woman in the Entire Earth and Probably Universe just sailing along. Mysti smiled back sweetly, and three sailors on board Norrington's ship saw it and jumped overboard, unable to live with the thought that she would give that smile to someone but themselves.

"Yes, indeed, one of many, isn't it?" Jack replied, in answer to Norrington's last comment.

"I don't suppose you've seen William Turner in these parts, have you?" the Commodore called.

"Left him in Tortuga, sorry, mate." Jack shrugged. "Might still be there, though, if you hurry."

"Ah, I see. Thank you for your help." Norrington told him. "Make for Tortuga!" he shouted to his men.

"Sir? We going to let Sparrow escape?" asked one of his crewmen.

"Well, we can't very well fire on him. We might hit that gorgeous creature he has on board. That would cause suicidal tendencies to arise in well over half the male population of the Caribbean, and would without doubt result in some sort of imbalance which would allow evil to overtake the earth."

"Oh, right. Sorry." the crewman agreed, apologetically, and went to follow the Commodor's instructions. The ship headed off in the opposite direction of the Black Pear's current course, and Mysti felt the knife taken away from her back. She turned around to face Elizabeth. It was Elizabeth, of course, because no male pirate would ever have had the heart to get a knife anywhere near the glowing and flawless skin of Mystery Cooper.

"How dare you!" Mysti demanded, and Elizabeth shrugged, unaffected by the look of anger on Mysti's face, a look which would have made any member of the male gener plunge the knife into his own heart at the thought of having been the cause of it.

"I couldn't let you hurt Jack." Elizabeth explained. "If you'd screamed, my ex-fiance #1 would have opened fire and might have hurt the man I lust after and am willing to abandon Will for."

"Well, he doesn't love you!" Mysti said, heatedly, attempting to think up the meanest thing she could. After all, Elizabeth had threatened her life! "He seems to love me. I don't know why. I certainly don't love him. I think he's horrible."

"Of course you do." Elizabeth said, patronizingly.

"I _do!_" Mysti insisted, and went to the rail, crossing her arms and refusing to say any more.

Meanwhile...

Will and Krysty were getting to know one another aboard their ship. They were seated on a pair of barrels near the rail, talking. They had been talking for the entire journey, because Will couldn't really help being fascinated by the pair of red wooden clogs she made in fifth grade, and the fact that Juicy Couture had discontinued her favorite sunglasses; and Krysty threw this much passion and interest into all her platonic friendships.

"Oh, Will." Krysty sighed, laughing melodically at a joke he had made. "I think you're my best friend."

Will smiled happily. This was wonderful. He had the third most beautiful woman in the world as his fiance, and now the join holder of the Most Beautiful Woman in the Earth and Probably Universe was telling him he was her best friend. Could things get any better?

At that moment, because it was needed by the author, a huge storm blew up, and tossed the boat violently. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the _Minnow_ would have been lost. Krysty stood at the mast, clinging to it as if her life depended on it. Will was running about on deck, helping when he could. Then at that fateful moment, a huge wave washed over the deck, sweeping Will right over the rail. Krysty watched in horror, as he clung to the rail for a brief second, long enough to say "Stay safe!" and then disappeared into the water below.

"Will!" Krysty shrieked, in a choked sob that chased away a small portion of the storm. She let go of her safehold on the mast, and scooped up a length of industrial-grade rope from the deck at her feet. Regardless of the fact that a rope of that length should have been impossible for any girl her age to carry, she ran with it to the rail, and threw one end of it down to Will, who was quickly falling behind. "Grab the rope!" she yelled.

Will complied, and all alone, without any help from the busy crew, Krysty hauled him back up onto the deck. The storm, having achieved its intended purpose in the story, immidiately dissipated.

"Oh, Will." said Krysty, tears mixing with the rain and seawater which soaked her to the skin. "I thought I'd lost you."

"I thought I was dead." Will admitted, giving her a long hug. "I told you to stay safe! Why did you let go of the mast?"

Krysty sobbed into his shoulder, then looked up, her hair and makeup suddenly perfect.

"How do you _do _that?" Will asked.

"I don't know." Krysty admitted. "But that's not the point. You asked me a question."

"Oh, yes." Will nodded. "I asked you why in the world you would risk your own life and selflessly throw yourself into the path of danger to heroically save _me._"

"Because..." Krysty answered, realization dawning in her beautiful blue eyes. "Because I...I lo...I love you, Will Turner, and that's that."

Will staggered back, stunned by this completely unpredictable plot device. Really, who saw that coming at all? It was completely unexpected. Krysty certainly hadn't _planned _ on falling in love with Will while helping him look for his fiance. Some things couldn't be helped, though.


	3. In Which We Make New Friends

**A/N: **Oh, wow...so many reviews. You guys are awesome!

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**Cheshirehouse: **(grin) I'm glad you think so. 

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**Helle Delta: **(squee!) I made a LiveJournal? (does little dance) That is so awesome! I'm glad you like it!

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**Deathbyyummy (Laury): **(blushes) You are too kind, really. Tell your grandfather you're just reading demented pseudo-literature. :P

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**CocaCola Gold: **Aren't Mary Sues great:D I wondered if anybody would get the Gilligan's Island Reference!

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**ElfishScallywag: **I felt kind of sorry for the little fish…:P Oh, the destruction that Mary Sues bring upon the world. :P

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And now to the story!

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Mysti had not faltered a single bit when Elizabeth had implied that she had an interest in Captain Sparrow. Not one tiny bit did her perfectly calm and collected manner waver. _I do think he's horrible. I do. He kidnapped me! He's a pirate! _ she told herself, staring down into the water. But whether she admitted it or not (and of course she didn't, because she wasn't supposed to figure that out yet), Elizabeth's words had planted the seed of doubt in her mind.

Throughout the rest of the day, she caught herself glancing at Jack, watching the manly way he handled himself about the ship, and admitting to herself begrudgingly that he really was quite good at this sailing business. She decided something to herself; that out of the goodness of her unimpeachable heart, she would offer the scoundrel a truce. She left the rail, and made her way to where Jack was standing.

"Captain Sparrow." she said, firmly. "I've decided something?'

"The wedding date? Or the honeymoon location? Or our firstborn's name?" Jack asked, then added, rather unnecessarily and merely because he'd already said it in the first movie. "I love weddings. Drinks all around."

Mysti rolled her eyes again. This was almost not worth the effort. But she had to try. It was hard, though. Her sister was the wonderful, kind, patient twin. Mysti had the spunk, she had always been the little spitfire of the two in a completely lovable, once adorable, now utterly beautifully and completely womanly way.

"No, none of that." she said, as patiently as she could manage. "I've decided I want to call a truce. I don't hate you anymore. I certainly don't love you," she added hurriedly. "But I don't hate you." She held out a hand to be shaken, but was taken totally by surprise when Captain Sparrow pulled her closer and pressed his lips to hers in a heated kiss. She stiffened at first, and struggled slightly, but melted against him completely unpredictably after a few seconds. And when the kiss was finally broken, it was Sparrow who pulled away.

"Now tell me you didn't enjoy that, love." Jack said, his face bearing the smug expression of a man who has just kissed one of the Most Beautiful Women in the Entire Earth and Probably Universe and lived to tell about it.

"Well, I never!" Mysti exclaimed, and slapped him across the face in a completely honorable and ladylike fashion, her dignity utterly insulted.

"Now, now." Sparrow protested. "I'm not sure I deserved that."

"I am!" Mysti said, flushing angrily. "I will see you later, Captain Sparrow. If I haven't thrown myself overboard by then."

"NO!" exclaimed the entire crew, leaving whatever tasks they had been performing to fly to her side, drop to their knees, and plead with her to not force them to live a life on an earth without her on it.

"Well," Mysti pondered. "All right. But you had better not try anything like that again, Captain Sparrow!" she warned.

Meanwhile...

Will was seated on a barrel on one side of the deck, and Krysty was seated on an identical barrel on the other side. Will was playing with his knife, plunging it into the side of the ship, pulling it out, then repeating the action. Krysty was gazing at Will with newly-discovered adoration in her beautiful eyes.

"Could you possibly refrain from looking at me in that fashion?" Will requested. "It makes me slightly uncomfortable. That's the way Elizabeth used to look at me."

"Used to?" Krysty repeated, hopefully. Will sighed, but did not reply. Krysty let out a sad little sigh that made three nearby islands sink into the ocean as the mountains beneath them crumbled. This just wasn't fair. She could have had any boy she'd ever wanted, but the one she loved wasn't returning her affections. It just didn't make sense. She wished she had another girl to talk to. Like her sister...She missed Mysti. In fact...wait a minute. She stood up, peering intently at the horizon.

"Look!" she said, excitedly. "A ship!"

"Yes," Will agreed. "Amazing how you'll find those out here."

Krysty's full pink lips turned downwards at his condescending tone. "I know that, silly." she said, giving Will's arm an affectionate prod which made him wince. "But maybe it's Captain Sparrow and my sister!"

"No." Will shook his head. "I've been on the Pearl. I know what she looks like. That's not her."

"Who, then?" Krysty asked.

"I'm not sure." Will admitted. "We'll find out soon, though. She's coming this way."

Meanwhile...

Officially minus one enemy, Mysti went to see if she could rid herself of another. It took her a while to find Elizabeth, but she finally did, and approached the other girl timidly.

"Elizabeth?" said Mysti, carefully.

"What?" Elizabeth replied, in an entirely unnecessary snappish tone.

"I just..." Mysti began, then faltered. "I don't want you to hate me."

"Too late!" Elizabeth told her. Mysti burst into tears. Elizabeth had to get up and fly across the room to the cabin door to shut and lock it in time to keep the entire crew from hurrying in to find out what was wrong. They might have killed Elizabeth for being the cause of Mysti's tears, and Elizabeth didn't want that. "Oh, hush." she told Mysti. "Please don't cry. It makes the men so upset."

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said to you. I feel terrible about it, really. I didn't mean them."

"Oh," Elizabeth said, uncomfortably. "Well, I suppose it's all right. I just...I really do want Jack, you know? And then you showed up, and now he likes you..."

"I can't help it!" Mysti sobbed. "I never wanted him to love me."

"I know..." Elizabeth admitted, as the ice around her heart melted. "Friends?" she offered, smiling.

"Would you want to be my friend?" Mysti asked, tearfully. "After the way I acted?"

"Of course." Elizabeth nodded. "After all, it's one of the primary duties of Mary Sues to become the bosom friends of the female canon characters. That's almost as important as stealing the hearts of and/or falling in love with the male heartthrobs."

"Oh." Mysti nodded, understandingly. "That makes sense, I guess. Thank you, Elizabeth. It feels so nice to know I have a friend in this strange place."

Meanwhile...

Krysty was apologizing as well. This was a record. This happened to be the first day in recorded history that both of the Cooper twins had done anything worth apologizing for on the same day. At any rate, she was standing with Will as they watched the ship on the horizon grow closer.

"Will," she said, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, you know, after that strange storm that blew up only long enough for me to almost lose you and make me realize my suppressed love and adoration for you."

"What you said?"

"Yeah. I mean, um...about the love and adoration and all that. I really hope I haven't ruined our friendship. I don't want to not be your friend, Will."

"Well..." Will said, struggling with this matter. Men found it very hard to deny Krysty anything, but the worst punishment of all was to be asked to be her friend and not lover, husband, boyfriend, or anything. "I'll always be your friend, Krysty. I promise."

Krysty gave a slight squeal of delight.

"Oh, how wonderful!" she said, happily. "Will, you know, they say friendship is just love that hasn't got its wings yet."

"I can _just_ imagine." Will remarked, dryly.

And then, suddenly, just in time to interrupt this climactic moment, out of the deep ocean beside them, sprang the hideous ship of Davy Jones, that scourge of the seas, the Flying Dutchman!

...To be continued. (dun da dun)


	4. In Which We Rescue and Are Rescued

**Pirateobsessed: **I aim to please:D

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**Nerd's United: **(grin) Thanks! Here's more!

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"William Turner!" called Davy Jones. "I've come to reclaim what's mine!"

Krysty let out a piercing, blood-curdling scream, loud enough that every pane of glass on the _Minnow_ and the _Flying Dutchman_ alike shattered into a thousand pieces; and dogs on any land within two thousand miles ran yelping in pain.

Will rubbed his ears, wincing.

"What was that?" he asked her in a sideways whisper.

"Silly," Krysty giggled. "It was a diversion! I distracted Jones long enough for us to have a quick conversation in which we can plot his destruction."

"Oh, of course." Will nodded. "I don't know why I didn't think of that. What did you have in mind?"

"Well," Krysty said, thoughtfully. "Why don't we just blow up their ship?"

Will rolled his eyes. And he'd been foolish enough to think she might actually come up with something clever.

"Well, to begin with," he said, "my father's on that ship."

Krysty pouted. She wasn't used to her ideas being rejected.

"Well, what do you think we should do?" she asked.

"I think you and I should surrender ourselves, and then while you, the Most Beautiful Woman in the Entire Earth and Probably Universe, woo Jones, and allow him to take advantage of your simple-mindedness, I'll go rescue my father, then we can make our grand escape by leaping overboard when we get near land. From there, I think we should be able to barter passage to the nearest major port, from whence we can set off again to find your sister and my fiancé. How's that sound?"

Krysty giggled.

"You think I'm beautiful?" she said, after a moment. Will took a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hair, trying to decide whether to tear it out in frustration.

"That's not the point." he said, trying to remain patient. "The point is, Jones will, and you'll be able to distract him long enough for me to get my father."

"Oh." said Krysty, understanding perfectly. "Okay. I don't have to like, you know, like…kiss him or anything, do I? After all, I'm completely pure and chaste in a seductive, womanly sort of way, and I've never kissed a boy."

Will let out a strangled noise somewhere between a sob and a low scream.

"If worse comes to worst, you might." he admitted.

Krysty made a face.

"Well, I guess I can do that. For you, Will." she conceded.

"Good." Will said. "Let's do it."

Meanwhile….

Mysti was sitting on the rail of the _Black Pearl_, looking indescribably beautiful, silhouetted against the blue sky of the Caribbean, her golden hair streaming out behind her in the wind. She glanced over her shoulder, to see if Jack was watching her, which of course he was. She crossed her arms, and looked away. Mysti was an amateur gymnast, having taken gymnastics classes since she was three, and she was captain of the high school cheerleading team even though she was only a sophomore. But at this particular moment, she needed to lose her balance in order to continue the plotline, and so with a little squeal, she slipped, falling into the ocean below.

"Help!" she screamed. "Help!" Several dolphins, whales, and a few normally vicious sharks swam from all corners of the oceans to assist her before they realized that Jack was already throwing a rope to her.

"Darling!" Sparrow called. "Grab hold of the rope!"

"I can't!" Krysty said, sucking some water into her lungs for emphasis. "I can'….glub…reach it…glub!"

Jack handed the rope to Gibbs, who was standing beside him by that time.

"When I've got her, pull us up!" he instructed. Gibbs nodded. Jack stepped onto the rail, and performed a neat swan dive, surfacing just beside Mysti.

"Hold on, love, I've got you." he said, swimming towards her with the end of the rope, Securing it about both their waists, he waved to Gibbs. "Pull!"

It was only a matter of moments before Mysti and Jack were safely aboard the _Pearl_. That was when Jack noticed something crucial.

"She's not breathing!" he announced. The midget, Pintel, and Cotton's parrot all jumped overboard. Ragetti would have followed, but he was looking for his eye before doing so.

Jack pulled out his knife, and sliced down the front of Mysti's dress. Nothing happened.

"Oh, bugger. That worked on you." he said, glancing up at Elizabeth, who stood over his shoulder, shedding tears of sorrow for her new best friend.

"Jack, she's not got a corset." Elizabeth explained.

"Oh." Jack realized, and proceeded to perform CPR. Mysti lay unmoving just long enough for most of the spectators to give up on her and turn away in bereaved silence, then choked up approximately one-twentieth of the water in the Caribbean before sitting up, clutching the ruined shreds of her dress around her shoulders.

"What happened?" she asked.

Meanwhile….

Will and Krysty had surrendered themselves to Davy Jones, and as it turned out that Jones was only interested in Will, he let their ship go free. Will was sent below decks to begin his eternity of servitude, and Krysty was taken to the captain's quarters, because for obvious reasons Jones was fascinated by her.

"Oh, Captain Jones." she gushed, because, after all, she was a brilliant actress. "That organ is just huge!" (Pipe organ. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

"Isn't it?" Jones beamed, or at least did the closest thing to beaming that he was capable of doing. "Would you like to play it?"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly." Krysty said. "I only know how to play the piano, violin, flute, and three other obscure wind instruments that most of the world has never heard of."

"Ah, well, I shall play it for you." Jones told her, and did so with much enthusiasm. Krysty sighed, leaning against the wall. Where was Will? Surely he'd found his father by now…

Will had indeed located his father, and he and Bootstrap were hurrying in a very sneaky manner through the decks of the ship.

"Now, how did you get here again?" Bill was asking, as Will peered around a corner. "And what the devil was that awful noise we heard just after we surfaced."

Will sighed.

"That would be Krysty."

"Ah, your girl?"

Will cringed.

"No, no, a thousand times no. She wants to be, though. I'm still madly in love with Elizabeth, which is the only thing keeping me from falling into the clutches of Miss Cooper."

"Charming name." Bill remarked. "What's wrong with her anyhow?"

"Nothing!" Will exclaimed. "That's just it! There's not a blasted thing wrong with her. She's beautiful, witty, clever, gorgeous, and completely perfect."

"Aren't gorgeous and beautiful somewhat the same?"

"Yes, and so are clever and witty, but I don't happen to have a thesaurus handy and that's beside the point. What I'm trying to tell you is I'm not sure she's…normal."

"Oh, and what's wrong with that?" Bill asked, shrugging. Will did not reply.

"Come, let's go."

"You're not going to leave her here, are you?" Bill demanded. Will cringed.

"Of course not." he replied, although that thought had most certainly crossed his mind. "She's with Jones."

"No, I'm right here." Krysty said, stepping out of a nearby door. "Jones is still back there playing his organ."

Will and his father exchanged glances before hurrying towards the stairs. "Let's get out of here." Will told them.

Meanwhile…

Mysti had spent a lot of time thinking about her near-death experience earlier, and had done a great deal of soul-searching since then. It was almost sunset when she made another decision. Still holding the tattered remains of her dress around her in a look that would have made Isaac Mizrahi swoon for the incredible fashion sense of it, she went to Jack's cabin.

"Captain Sparrow?" she called softly, tapping on the door. Jack opened the door.

"Mysti." he said, hesitantly. "I want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I've behaved. Earlier, when you almost…that is, when we pulled you back on board, I realized that I can't really make you love me ..."

"Shh." said Mysti. "I want you to see something. Come with me." She took his hand, and led him onto the deck, to the rail. The sun was setting, and the Caribbean sky was tinged the loveliest hues of orange, pink, purple, and even a gorgeous violet-blue.

"Jack," she said. "You saved my life. I cannot forget that. Elizabeth was right, you're a good man."

"I want you to know," Jack began again, his eyes gleaming with the colorful light. "Next time we reach land, you're free to…"

"Shh." Mysti told him, placing a delicate, perfectly manicured finger over his lips. "I'm not going anywhere." Then she kissed him.

A physically impossible rainbow appeared in the sky, and dolphins chattered excitedly below. A few tiny dead fish were suddenly brought back to life, and swam about happily, leaping into the air in ecstasy. The sun itself paused for a moment in its descent, and waited for them to finish this perfect moment before continuing to set, and the stars all appeared at once. Several shooting stars soared across the darkening sky, and Tia Dalma, watching through her crystal ball, wept for the beauty of it. And everything was perfect.


	5. In Which We Make Love and Sacrifices

At long last, I have completed the fifth chapter. Thank you so much to all who actually waited for it, and to those of you I haven't gotten around to replying individually to. I'm horribly busy these days, and I've only just had the chance to write again...More will be on the way this time, I promise!

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Having escaped the _Flying Dutchman _(The details of which escape were not important because they did not particularly glorify the Cooper twins or cause any sort of angst for them)Will, Krysty, and Bill floated on some spare boards in the open sea. This should have been dangerous, as it was night and the sharks were hungry. However, Krysty kept the sharks entertained and appeased by singing. Her voice was so beautiful that the sharks cried tears of appreciation and some of them even fell into such a deep trance that they sank to the bottom of the ocean and drowned.

Eventually, though, the trio caught sight of a ship in the distance. Krysty wondered if it was the same ship she'd seen earlier, the ship that had mysteriously disappeared when the _Flying Dutchman_ had surfaced, but there wasn't really any way to tell, so she didn't mention it. Will and Bill watched as well. Will moaned.

"My arms are bloody sore." he lamented. Krysty paddled over to him, and reached out a hand to gently caress his buff bicep.

"It'll be all right." she assured him. "Just a little while longer, and the ship will get here."

"Wonderful." Will muttered, giving a little kick to try and get away from her touch. A shark nipped at his toes, though, and Bill gave him a disapproving glance, so he sighed and stayed where he was.

It was only a matter of time before the ship came close enough for them to yell out to those on board, and after a few more minutes of floating in the now-dark water, the three of them were hauled on board where they were immediately wrapped in warm blankets. Krysty sniffed. She hoped she hadn't caught cold, being wet and cold for so long.

Will began to make his way to the far side of the ship, but on his way there, collided with an imposing military figure. "Oh," he muttered. "hello, Commodore."

Commodore James Norrington stood majestically, holding his head high as he overlooked the people he'd just rescued from the ocean.

"What in the name of all that's holy is that?" he asked, pointing in the general direction of Bill and Krysty.

"Er…that's my father." Will replied. "He looks like that…well, he's been serving on the _Flying Dutchman _ for a long while now, and you see, when you're on that ship for any lengthy period of time…"

"Not _that._" Norrington sighed impatiently, because of course he would not care about the fish/crustacean/barnacle man when the most beautiful woman in the whole world and probably universe was there too. "The gorgeous creature beside him."

Krysty huffed. "I'm not a creature. I'm a girl…woman. My name is Krysty."

Norrington frowned.

"Wait a moment," he said, eyeing her. "Haven't I seen you before? Today, in fact?"

"I don't think so." Krysty shook her head. "I would remember that."

James Norrington actually blushed.

"Well, I thought I saw you…on a boat…with the pirate, Sparrow."

"Oh, my gosh!" Krysty exclaimed. The entire crew jumped, and readied their daggers, unsure whether she had uttered that exclamation out of surprise or alarm. (Because, after all, though they couldn't all hear the conversation, they couldn't possibly miss the magical sound of Krysty's voice).

"What?" Bill asked, popping a small shellfish into his mouth. Krysty made a face.

"Ugh."

"What, what?" Norrington asked, eagerly.

"Oh, right." Krysty remembered. "Um, it was just that…I think you saw my twin sister."

"There are _two _of you?" Norrington said, disbelievingly. That was much too good to be true, he thought.

"Well…not exactly. Just two sisters. Me and my twin, Mysti."

"Wait!" Will spoke up. "Did you see Elizabeth? Was Elizabeth there?"

Krysty giggled.

"Will, baby." she murmured quietly, in a just-for-him tone. "Don't interrupt."

Will was rendered speechless from the second word she spoke, and sat down on the deck, burying his head in his hands. Norrington ignored him.

"Would you do me the honor of joining me in my cabin for dinner?" he asked Krysty.

"Yes!" Will exclaimed, lifting his head. "She'd be honored! Wouldn't you, Krysty?"

"Well, when you put it that way…" Krysty said, smiling shyly. "Yes, I suppose I will."

Meanwhile…

Jack rolled over on his bed, and stared into Mysti's eyes.

"That was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced." he told her, referring to the sweet, earth-shaking, ground-breaking, life-changing love they had just made.

Mysti looked troubled, and pulled the sheets up to cover her incredible womanly features.

"I think we might be taking this relationship too fast." she said, worriedly,

"Don't ye worry 'bout da way tings have played out." said a female voice from the corner. Mysti gave a little shriek, and disappeared under the covers. Jack turned to face the source of the voice.

"Tia Dalma…" he remarked. "So nice of you to drop by. Dare I ask?"

"Ye need not." she replied, offhandedly. "I came t'see de girl."

Mysti peeked out from under the covers.

"Me?" she asked.

"Yes, ye…Ye have a touch of destiny about ye, Mystery Cooper."

Meanwhile…

Krysty giggled.

"So his fiancé was yours before she was his? And now she's a pirate's?" she asked. Norrington nodded in confirmation.

"Just between the two of us…I _did _ see her on that ship with your sister…but I'm not going to tell him that."

Krysty gasped at this juicy tidbit of information, and daintily nibbled at her dinner.

"Why, Commodore, that is just…terrible…" she declared. "Why would you do that to Will?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Norrington asked, scooting his chair closer to hers. He had begun on the opposite end of the table to her, and through the course of the evening, had gradually ended up sitting next to her.

"Commodore." Krysty asked. "Do you have to wear that wig?"

"Wha?" Norrington replied, somewhat taken aback by this random question. Krysty giggled again at his ineloquence, but her expression grew serious again.

This was the turning point in Krysty's time in the Caribbean. She loved Will with all her heart, but being the selfless, wonderful person that she was, decided that she had better move on because she couldn't force him to love her. No matter how confusing it was that out of all the men on the face of the earth, the one she wanted didn't love her, even with all her beauty and charm, she could not make Will love her the way she loved him. And so she made a heartbreakingly unselfish choice. She would let him go. And she would do what she had to in order to get her sister back. In this circumstance, she would coerce Norrington, who had access to this magnificent ship, into following the ship that carried her sister away from her.

"It's just…I think you might be awfully handsome without it…" she told Norrington. He reached up, and pulled the white wig from his head, revealing a head of short, dark hair.

"You think?" he asked.

"I do…" Krysty said.

Meanwhile…

"How did you get here?" Mysti asked, still hiding under the covers.

"Dat is not important." Tia Dalma assured her. "What is important is dat you will have a great, great role t'play in de forming of de world ye know…in yer own time."

"That doesn't really make any sense, though." Mysti said, frowning. This, of course, meant that Tia Dalma was being vague, because Mysti was brilliant and if the comment had held any amount of understandability at all, she would have caught it.

"Ye will be great in dese waters." Tia Dalma continued. "Ye…and yer child."

"What child?" Jack and Mysti asked at the same instant, both suitably alarmed.

"De one ye carry within ye." Tia Dalma said, raising a finger at Mysti.

"That's impossible." Jack said, looking very worried. "We've only just…you can't…How can you possibly know that?"

"I see all." Tia Dalma explained. "And de child ye have created…de both of ye…will be very, very important."

Mysti burst into tears.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"I'm pregnant with a pirate baby, that's what!" she told him. "I can't be pregnant. I have to go to become a famous gymnast someday. Or a model. Or a movie star. Or an agent of world peace! How can I do that if I'm a single mother?"

Jack shook his head.

"You won't be, love." He assured her. In this moment, every bit of pirate indecency in Jack Sparrow fled, and, conquered by her beauty and the love he felt for her, he showed that he really was a good man. "I'll be with you."

"What do you mean? You can't possibly want to stay with me…I'll just be a burden to you." Mysti said, sobbing.

"Never." Jack swore. "I love you…I always will. And I love our baby."

Tia Dalma wept again.


End file.
